Toms column

Hello from Tom.

 

Chris (aka David Bailey ) and Brian (aka Piers Morgan) are producing some stunning copy of our truely extraordinary trip, which I hope you readers are all enjoying. If you do get a kick from taking a ganders please let us all know with a brief comment from time to time. Reading silently deprives us of the oxygen of feed back ( my friends and family buck up, please!)

 

Chris and Brian, very conscious of their positions and of the Leveson Enquiry are being very circumspect in what they say. Me, retired from active service, can let you have some insight into the features that are left on the cutting room floor. Unsurprisingly many - but no means all- of these concern the intrepid duo from Hadlow.  Of course we are all boys. And as the miles have rolled by we have got to feel more relaxed with each other, and also increasing sore in the nether regions. Those of a sensitive disposition should stop reading here. PAUSE.

 

The issue is this. Boys have a certain build which does seem at fundimental odds with the design of the racing saddle on our bikes. O.K we can manage 50 miles or so and not every day. But our anatomy is definately not destined to be placed on an upside down ironing plate for 6-7 hours a day. I will not attribute remarks personally ( except to assert that none have passed my lips). The comments have however become increasingly vociferous: "My a-s is killing me"; "I have a pimple on my bum" "Its so numb down there that I pissed myself without knowing". And so forth. This has prompted many a discussion of the merits and demerits (WHICH style) of the potions and lotions on the market to, allegedly, alleviate such dire conditions. I will let you readers into a personal secret: I have never deviated from good old Vaseline ( which if you purchase from the baby secton of Boots is so much more inexpensive compared to the same concoction sold in a tiny tin  marketed with fanfare as a lip salve - with added aloe vera crap. Better still one can buy an ENORMOUS, but unbranded, tub at the 99p store for, well, 99p). Of course there are those that insist on the cyclists' speciality of  expensive chamois cream, the idea being that your strides get as much smeared on as your a-s. Others, remembering with fondness (or otherwise) their role as fathers, swear by sudocream and the like. Well this will never be resolved but you get the drift of the high minded conversation as we pedal.

 

More anon, probably about our bowls.... Tom